This is an excellent question and an answer is attempted by Dr. Eric Berne in the same-titled book on the psychology of human destiny.

Hello

Berne developed Transactional Analysis as an accessible tool for even ordinary people to improve themselves − no need to be a basket case or Freud Jr. Transactional Analysis (TA), while not the new ‘thing’ on the block, is a potent and perhaps underutilized tool to help untangle the human psyche, explain behaviors, and support healthier relationships.

Transactional Analysis is a psychoanalytic approach that focuses on communication and social interactions between individuals in intimate, family, or organizational relationships. It was developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne in the 1950s and has since become widely used in counseling and psychotherapy. Transactional Analysis is based on the idea that everyone has three ego states – Parent, Adult, and Child – that interact with each other in transactions. These transactions can be positive or negative, and they contribute to our overall script, which is the narrative we have about our lives. By understanding our ego states, transactions, and scripts, we can gain self-awareness and improve our communication skills, which can lead to healthier relationships.

I also read Games People Play by the same author, and Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner. These are foundational books outlining the ideas and concepts labeled as Transactional Analysis (TA).

Reading any one of the three highly recommended books is a lot more productive than spending time on TikToc or in the Bible.

As people, we have needs and wants

A lot of the trouble in this world comes perhaps from the difficulty people have in being recognized as a person with valid needs and wants, and then being able to communicate these needs and wants to others for due consideration. Humans are extremely social creatures and it is hardly possible for anyone to take care of his or her needs and wants without the cooperation of others. This human condition can make for a cruel world.

As babies, for example, all of us have started off rather helplessly − ‘thrown into this world’ as German philosopher Martin Heidegger called it. From that early age already, humans learn to adapt to circumstances and situations that are more or less optimal for them.

Some start under better circumstances than others, some adapt better than others, and there are no guarantees for anyone other than that one’s life will come to an end one day. In the meantime, however, we may believe that life is worth living, because doing so may make it so.

Taking care of our ‘business’ then may succeed if we can succinctly communicate our needs and wants and elicit appropriate responses from others. Some people, unfortunately, grow up to be unskilled or even unaware of and thus unable to properly communicate their fair needs and wants, let alone their talents and skills.

It must be frustrating to die weighted down by the memory of unmet needs and wants, of being unrecognized, or even because of all.

People ‘get stuck,’ so to speak, in their early formative years and resort then to playing covert games in their daily transactions with others and even themselves during adulthood. Drug abuse, social media binging, gambling, etc., are typical signs of inner, psychological misalignments. Divorce rates are alarming, people seem to be unable to free themselves from inner issues that contribute to relationship breakdowns or poor relationships − to begin with.

Transactional Analysis is a therapeutic tool that can help polish a lot of the ruff edges around people’s complex psyche. Do we want to play games with each other, or be true to each other?

Yes, being true to each other is easier said than done. Some corrected awareness of myself, some better awareness of how I am conditioned − for better or worse by my early caregivers, and confidence that my personal needs and wants are likely not simply selfish or dirty but common and fair is what I got out of reading Transactional Analysis.

4 Steps to Implement Transactional Analysis in Your Life

Step 1: Identify Your Ego State
The first step in implementing transactional analysis is to recognize your own ego states. This can be done by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in different situations. Ask yourself, am I in a Parent, Adult, or Child ego state right now? Read Games People Play.

Step 2: Recognize Transactions
The second step is to recognize transactions in your communication with others. Pay attention to the messages you are sending and receiving in your interactions. Are they positive or negative? Are you in a complementary or crossed transaction? Read Games People Play.

Step 3: Analyze Your Script
The third step is to analyze your script. What are the beliefs and narratives you have about yourself and your life? Are they limiting or empowering? Identify any patterns that may be holding you back. Read What Do You Say After You Say HELLO.

Step 4: Change Your Script
The fourth step is to change your script. This can be done by challenging limiting beliefs and replacing them with more empowering ones. It may also involve taking action to change unhealthy patterns in your communication and behavior. Read What Do You Say After You Say HELLO and Scripts People Live.

It must be said that implementing Transactional Analysis may take time and effort, but the benefits can be life-changing.

Religion must also take care of the immanent well-being of people, not just their salvation

In the Garden of Eden

Surely, religion, Christianity, churches, pastors, etc., are not to be mistaken for mental health services. Generally speaking, Christianity started off as offering people a path of salvation from sin and evil. Mental health was not a pressing issue for St. Paul or St. Augustine. They did not frame the human condition in terms of mental health.

However, human communities in civilized countries have become so complex and demanding that plain religious dogmatism and doctrines are questionable truths for guiding people to cope with daily living. I recommend churches adopt Transactional Analysis (TA) as part of this-worldly caretaking and train their pastors accordingly.

Author

  • Tom

    Exploring what living a worthy life means. Despite what some say, there's no simple answer.

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